Hii everyone..
thanks for read this post, u're truly 'kepo' / 'randomly wanna know' my life hahaa. Pardon me this text contains inappropriate grammar, structure, & vocabularies for formal writing.
It's my first time publish my self reflection after a long time not post any moment in socmed (especially IG). In reality, life is always up and down. We don't know that moment happen. Honestly, 2021-2022 are the hard years for me, maybe not only me but all of the people in the world. Specifically, in 2021-2022 I'm not getting the memorable achievement. I just take my daily routine as master student, freelance worker, and daughter.
In 2020, I'm getting up set bcs my father gotta sick. I feel sad and uncontrollable feelings w/ the reality, I'm not appear like that in all of people, but sometimes I just take daily journaling for self healing. I always do self motivation to my self, in uncontrollable situation I must keep running on the life goals & dream. Meanwhile, the opposite reality happen in my life hahaaa. Yeah, external factor can't be controlled and I must adaptable w/ that situation also priority to take care my Dad.
Okai. Life is go on. I can't well-prepared for sth bucket list in my life, finally I can't reached that. Yeah, I must accept the another alternative and I got two rejection in scholarship selection. I feel mad and fortunately my dad covers my UKT *honestly, I don't have any idea to take that bcs u know the social pressure S2 w/ duit ortu menjadi suatu hal yg membuat my self image and self pressure "u're not independent, u're so weak, omg u're dah S1 but can't cari duit sndiri", but for the wisely reason and some consideration from my family also the real situation to prioritize Dad healthy. I take the scholarship from my father for my Master Degree. Thanks a bunch my lovely Dad for this chance but I know S2 w/o scholarship is hard, so I must 'nge rem' my second prioritize pengeluaran :((.
Well in another side, I think all of my achievement which I prepared while undergrad student didn't adjustable w/ my life after graduation. Oh okaii, life is go on, I must accept that but the effect I'm getting decrease of self esteem, omg :(((. From that, I feel uncontrollable again and got the unhealthy mentality. Okai, life is go on.
Long short story, I just wanna really thanks to my self for this 2021 n 2022. You must keep grateful, cheerful, GRIT, and always realize the self esteem. Don't set the high expectation in external factor, u must take self discipline, professional, prioritize ur self value, and adjust it w/ the real opportunity. Don't be people pleasure just for 'menyenangkan orang lain' but u just take the emphatize w/ people life.
Hopefully, I got the best version of my self for now & tomorrow. Always grateful, be ur self, and know "who I am". I'm not set the specifically life achievement in 2023. I just wanna enjoy my self esteem w/ the optimistic and discipline effort.
Cheers,
Hafni
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